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My Unsmurfy Valentine/Part 2
Out in the forest, a cherub with ruddy skin, dark red hair shaped into horns, and bat wings was hovering around, armed with a bow and a quiver of arrows tipped with flaming dark red hearts. "Now let's see whose hearts I can set on fire with my lust arrows," he said to himself, smiling in anticipation of his first victims. He saw two male adult humans working together on cutting down trees -- one of whom is named Pierre and the other Jacques. "So, Pierre, what do you plan on doing for sweet Angelique on this Valentine's Day?" Jacques asked. "You'll see, Jacques," Pierre answered. "It will be the biggest cake you have ever feasted your eyes upon." "Bah, you and your cakes," Jacques snorted. "She'll be more impressed with the wood carving of two lovebirds that will I present to her at the feast tonight." "I tell you, the way to that woman's heart is through her stomach," Pierre said with a snort. "There's no way that she's going to find your wood carvings to be anything impressive." "That's what you think, you puffed-up pastry chef," Jacques shot back. "A wood carving will last a lot longer than your cakes." "And she'll end up using it for a parchment weight, just like everybody else does with everything you create, you worm-headed woodsmith," Pierre countered. "My wood carvings will always be better than your food, Pierre," Jacques said. "My food will always be better than your wood carvings, Jacques," Pierre said. The cherub watched as the two humans continued to argue with each other over impressing Angelique with their gifts when he decided that it was getting boring to watch. "Might as well save Angelique the trouble of dealing with these two numbskulls and watch them fall for each other," he said as he plucked an arrow from his quiver and fired it straight between the two humans. Suddenly the arrow had its effect, as the two humans stopped arguing altogether. "Oh, Pierre, why are we wasting our time arguing over silly little Angelique when I find you so much more attractive than she is?" Jacques said. "Oh, Jacques, why do I find you more attractive than Angelique is right now?" Pierre said. "I never thought you'd ever notice me like that," Jacques said, sounding like he was flattered. "And you're not so bad-looking for a pastry chef." "Wait until I show you what kind of meal I am planning to cook for you tonight, my dear," Pierre said. The cherub watched the two male adult humans kissing each other, grinning maliciously at what he had done. "Let your hearts burn for each other and see poor Angelique become miserable because neither of you will pay any attention to her," he said with a laugh before he disappeared. ----- Back in the village, Hefty was helping Handy set up the equipment that was going to be used to play the music at the dance party they were going to have in the dining hall. "So are you planning on being the first to ask Smurfette to dance with you, Hefty?" Handy asked. "You bet I am, Handy," Hefty answered. "There's no way I'm going to let that star-smurfed freak have the first dance with her as long as I'm around." "You know he's going to let you dance with her anyway, so why are you smurfing this into a competition?" Handy asked. "I was the first to smurf her out in the forest, Handy," Hefty said. "Therefore I should be the first to smurf anything when it comes to smurfing anything with Smurfette." "Like even possibly marrying her?" Handy said with a laugh. "Well, good luck with that. I'd bet good smurfs that Empath is going to marry her before anybody else does." "So you're not going to try and ask her to marry you?" Hefty said. "No wonder the competition for her heart is so lacking around here." "I love Smurfette, but Marina's the one that I love the most, Hefty," Handy said. "If it's possible, I'd like to be smurfing in her world forever and ever as her one true love." "A Smurf and a mermaid...that's a match smurfed in Elysium, all right," Hefty said with a bit of sarcasm. "But then I'd rather see that happen than the likes of Brainy and Clumsy smurfing together in the same way." "Brainy and Clumsy?" Handy asked. "What makes you think of those two wanting to smurf the knot together? Not that I think anything like that should happen in this lifetime or any other, but still..." "I don't know, Handy," Hefty said. "I just see the two of them together a lot and it makes me wonder about what's smurfing on with them, that's all. Not that I think that what I think is smurfing on is really smurfy to me, but I'm not them and they're not me. And I sure as smurf wouldn't want to be either of them, if you know what I mean." "If those two are smurfy with each other, that's smurfy enough for me, I should say," Handy said as he looked at the work he and Hefty had accomplished. "Well, Spinner should be all set to smurf his music at the dance tonight. I might as well go back to my workshop and smurf myself ready for later on." "I'll see you later, Handy," Hefty said as they both left the dining hall and headed off to their own houses. Hefty was scatting the Smurf song while jogging toward his house when suddenly he was struck with a heart-tipped arrow. He stopped jogging when he felt something strange coming upon him, like desires for something or someone entirely different. Tuffy noticed Hefty just standing there, looking sort of strange. "Hey, are you all right, Hefty?" he asked. "I don't know what smurfed over me, Tuffy," Hefty said with a weird look in his eyes. "All of a sudden, I'm finding myself feeling attracted to someone else." "Feeling attracted to someone else?" Tuffy asked, sounding curious. "Hefty, there's no other Smurf besides Smurfette that you can feel attracted to." "No one else...until now," Hefty said, still looking at Tuffy as if he was desiring something of his friend. "Tell me, Tuffy, do you think that I'm attractive?" "Attractive?" Tuffy said, sounding a bit repulsed. "Hefty, you're smurfing a bit too weird for me!" "I know that you're smurfing of me, because you want to be just as big and strong as me," Hefty said as he advanced on Tuffy. "You just can't help yourself, can you?" "Okay, that's it, Hefty...I'm going to take you to Papa Smurf right this minute!" Tuffy said, sounding like he had enough of Hefty's strange behavior. "Oh, please, take me to Papa Smurf...that way we can smurf for his blessing right now," Hefty said, still clinging onto Tuffy like he wanted to be romantically involved with him. Then suddenly a heart-tipped arrow struck Tuffy, and he began to feel something strange coming on him at that minute. "On the other hand," Tuffy said as he looked at Hefty, "why do we need to go to Papa Smurf right now? I think we can smurf someplace private that no Smurf needs to know about." "Now you're talking," Hefty said, as they both held each other in their arms and kissed right at that spot. At that moment, the Smurflings were passing by when they noticed Hefty and Tuffy smooching with each other. "Slithering serpents, what unsmurfiness is going on here?" Sassette asked. That got the two Smurfs' attentions as they broke off their embrace. "Hey, don't you Smurflings have something better to smurf with your time than to watch other Smurfs?" Hefty asked, sounding irritated. "Yeah, what's smurfing on here is nobody else's smurfness," Tuffy said defensively. "Well, if it's really nobody else's smurfness, why are you smurfing this smurfery out in public anyway?" Snappy asked. "Just go away!" Hefty shouted angrily. "We don't need you four smurfing at us like there's something wrong!" "All right, all right, we're going," Slouchy said, sounding like he wasn't interested in starting something the Smurflings would come to regret. As the four Smurflings continued walking, Nat said, "I get the unsmurfy feeling that something's wrong with those two. What they're smurfing just isn't natural." "Who knows?" Snappy said. "Maybe Hefty actually smurfed those feelings for Tuffy and he didn't feel like he was smurf enough to admit it." "Nat is right, you Smurflings...what those two are smurfing isn't natural at all," Sassette said. "Maybe those two are under some sort of spell that's smurfed upon them." "Yeah, but who would smurf that kind of spell on them?" Slouchy asked. "I don't think this is anything that Cupid would smurf." "I don't know, but we'd better tell Papa Smurf about this, even if Hefty and Tuffy don't like us informing him about it," Nat suggested. "Well, I think we should just leave those two musclebound Smurfs alone, if you ask me," Snappy said. "Snappy, you know that Mother Nature doesn't like it when two creatures of the same sex start smurfing like this," Sassette said. "Yeah, Papa Smurf keeps reminding us that she created males and females to smurf that way only to each other because she wants them to be able to smurf families," Slouchy said. "So what? Those two are not hurting each other or anyone else!" Snappy said. "Then what about Smurfette?" Sassette asked. "Doesn't she deserve to have some Smurf marry her someday?" "She's got Empath to smurf in love with, she'll be fine," Snappy said. "Well, we're going to tell Papa Smurf about this, whether you want to join us or not," Nat said adamantly. Then suddenly two heart-tipped arrows struck both Snappy and Slouchy, and they began to feel rather strange and different. "Aw, go ahead, Sassette...tell Papa Smurf about it," Snappy said. "Yeah, me and Snappy have other things to smurf," Slouchy said as the two of them looked at each other. Nat and Sassette watched as Snappy and Slouchy walked off hand-in-hand with each other. "Gee, now even they are starting to act really weird," Sassette commented. "We'd better get smurfing to Papa Smurf before this smurfs any worse, Sassette," Nat said. ----- Meanwhile, Handy had just reached the door to his workshop when he had a heart-tipped arrow strike him all of a sudden. He began to feel the same kind of strangeness that Hefty and the other Smurfs struck with the arrows were feeling. Just then Carpenter came passing by. "Hey, Handy, just smurfed by to let you know that I've got a bunch of wooden planks ready for you to smurf, and I'm also smurfing back the tools that I borrowed from you," he said before he noticed that Handy looked rather strange. "Handy, is there something wrong with you?" "Oh, I didn't know what I was smurfing about," Handy said before he just simply stared at Carpenter. "By the way, has any Smurf told you that you've got the smurfiest blue eyes in the whole village?" Carpenter laughed. "Okay, Handy, I get it. This whole thing is a joke." "No, I am not kidding, Carpenter," Handy said. "For some reason, there's no other Smurf in the world that I feel more attracted to than you right about now." "Please, Handy, you need to smurf a hold of yourself," Carpenter said. "This behavior of yours is smurfing to be mighty strange smurfing from you." "Right now I would rather be holding you," Handy said as he grabbed Carpenter and pulled him close. "Handy, I'm just not that kind of Smurf," Carpenter said, struggling to get himself free. "Come on, just admit it...you want to know what it's like to be alone with me," Handy said, pushing himself even closer. Then suddenly Carpenter was struck with the same type of arrow, and began feeling the same thing himself. "Well, as a matter of fact, you do smurf rather attractive in those overalls," Carpenter responded. The two of them began to kiss each other, until they heard a female voice say, "Handy Smurf!" They both let go of each other and turned to see who it was. "Smurfette!" they said together. "You shouldn't be smurfing up on your fellow Smurfs like that, Smurfette," Handy said, not liking how he was being interrupted. "I'm sorry, Handy, but I just wanted to know if everything was all set for Spinner to play his music at the party tonight," Smurfette said. "Uh, yeah, me and Hefty smurfed everything in place," Handy replied. Smurfette looked at both Handy and Carpenter suspiciously. "Is there something smurfing on here?" she asked. "Uh, no, Smurfette, nothing smurfing on at all," Carpenter said. "Yeah, Carpenter was just smurfing back the tools that he borrowed from me, that's all," Handy said. Smurfette still looked at them as if she was wondering about something. "Hmmm...well, maybe I'm just imagining things or something." She shook her head when she couldn't put her finger on what was it she thought she was seeing. "Anyway, I might as well smurf with Party to see if he's got all the decorations ready for the party. I'll smurf you two later." "See you, Smurfette!" Handy and Carpenter both said together. And then they turned to each other again and kissed. ----- Meanwhile, Nat and Sassette were with Papa Smurf in his laboratory, telling him about what they had witnessed with Hefty and Tuffy and then with Snappy and Slouchy. "Are you absosmurfly sure that you saw Hefty and Tuffy smurfing with each other like that?" Papa Smurf asked. "I swear to Mother Nature, that's what we saw, Papa Smurf," Nat answered. "We're not smurfing any of this up, Pappy," Sassette added. "Hmmm, that is very strange behavior smurfing from those Smurfs," Papa Smurf said, stroking his beard while thinking of what may be the cause. "I appreciate the two of you informing me about this, and I'll see what I can smurf to control this behavior before it smurfs out of hand." "Is there anything you want us to do, Pappy Smurf?" Sassette asked. "I'm not sure what I would suggest, other than the two of you not smurf alone from each other and not smurf out in the open, Sassette," Papa Smurf answered. "I'll let Empath and Polaris know about this incident so that they can smurf out for what may be causing it." "Oh, thank you, Papa Smurf," Nat said before he and Sassette left the laboratory. At the same moment, Empath and Polaris had entered. "This smurf senses that there's something wrong in the village that requires this smurf's attention, Papa Smurf," Empath said. "Nat and Sassette had just informed me that Hefty and Tuffy were seen together smurfing in a manner that is rather unsmurfy for Smurfs of the same sex, Empath," Papa Smurf said. "I don't know what's smurfing on, but it seems like somebody or something may be attacking us." "And this smurf is sensing that the same thing must have happened to Snappy and Slouchy as well," Empath said. "This one is curious as to what the purpose is for this strange change in behavior if indeed this is some sort of attack upon us," Polaris said. "This wouldn't be something that Cupid would smurf, if I know how cherubs generally act," Papa Smurf said. "Right now all I can suggest is that the two of you be on the smurfout for something that may be smurfing in our village that doesn't belong here." "That may be difficult for us to detect, Papa Smurf, if whatever's attacking us is a magical being like Cupid," Empath said. "We'll do our best to find out who or what is responsible for these strange behavior changes, Papa Smurf," Polaris said. "That's all I'm asking of you, Polaris," Papa Smurf said. "I don't like the thought that there may be some kind of rogue cherub smurfing these unsmurfy feelings among my little Smurfs." "We'll put a stop to these attacks one way or another, Papa Smurf," Empath said before he and Polaris left. After their departure, there was a knock on the door. Papa Smurf answered it and saw who it was. "Smurfette! What may I smurf you for?" he asked politely. "I think there's something weird smurfing on in the village, Papa Smurf," Smurfette said. "I was just outside Handy's workshop where I saw him smurfing with Carpenter in a way that made me feel very unsmurfy." "I see," Papa Smurf said. "Nat and Sassette just reported something like that happening with Hefty and Tuffy." "Oh dear, do you think somebody's trying to make us smurf things that we wouldn't normally smurf, Papa Smurf?" Smurfette asked. "I already have Empath and Polaris investigating the matter, Smurfette, so don't you worry," Papa Smurf said. "Oh, thank you, Papa Smurf," Smurfette said, sounding a bit relieved. "I'd hate to think of what would happen if the entire village started smurfing this way to each other." "I'm sure that it's just nothing but a bit of harmless experimentation at the very least, Smurfette," Papa Smurf said. "All your fellow Smurfs will still love you, and I'm sure you'll be married to one of them someday." Smurfette giggled. "I already know which Smurf it will be, Papa Smurf. I'm just waiting for him to ask the question." Smurf to Part 3 Category:Empath the Luckiest Smurf stories Category:My Unsmurfy Valentine chapters Category:VicGeorge2K9's articles